Monday, August 12, 2013

Rants Of A Pissed Ibadan Indigene (Reply To Ibadan Shoprite Effect)

I’m a realist. I believe in getting your facts right and winnowing your beliefs before blurting them out. I hate myopic people and have sincere apathy for those who suffer from selective amnesia. Sorry about that, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Oluwadamilola, born and bred in the city of rust and gold. I’m also an indigene of the ancient city of Ibadan. And NO! I’m not an illiterate; neither do I have my face decorated with tribal marks as quite a number of you would presume and if I did, believe me I’d rock it right. For a while now there has been this absurdity trending on social media especially twitter about Ibadan people, and for crying out loud, I am tired! I think at this juncture, my “fuel of tolerance” has finally been extinguished . In as much as I’ve never had to struggle with the “sh, s, h” or any other funny English pronunciation blunder which is peculiar to the average Ibadan indigene, I need to ask you a question: Is English your mother tongue? If your answer is no, why be so particular about another man’s language? I’m sure a large percentage of you do not know how to speak your local dialect; yet you have the effrontery to mock those who can. I’m positive about the fact that many people who make fun of us do not know how to pronounce the word “half-penny” talk less of them knowing how our dear Ibadan kindred came about their own “eepini”. If you think the effect of one’s mother tongue on his country’s lingua franca is a sin, then I think y’all should quit speaking Pidgin English. You all know it’s the average man’s struggle with an original language yeah? As I continued reading that post, I became more and more upset. How on earth would someone say Heritage Mall is the first mall in Ibadan? Please whatsoever happened to Kingsway, UTC and Leventis? Ibadan had fun places in the past. The fact that they died due to the city’s lack of maintenance culture does not scrap their existence in history. Cinemas, as you think, are not new to us over here. We had the likes of Odion Cinema at Oke Ado, Scala Cinema at Sabo, Rex Cinema at Oke Bola, Cinema De Baba Sala at Agbowo, Tabantari Cinema at Elekuro and Queens’ Cinema at Dugbe. Till date, movies are still being shown at Cultural centre and the cinema at KS Motel. At this point, I think the benevolence of our fore fathers has made us an object of ridicule by all and sundry. “Ibadan ilu to gbo’nile to gba’lejo” is about the largest and most accommodating migrant city I know. If non-indigenes are sent packing today, will you be able to cope in your hometown? Cos I think that’s when we’d know who the real illiterates are. After being granted admission to study in our prestigious Premier Varsity, you’d hear some presbyopic bird brains talking about “How Unibadan is the only factor that made this city ritzy” forgetting all other tertiary institutions and research institutes in Ibadan. Whatsoever happened to IITA, FRIN, NIHORT, IAR&T, UCH, AMTH, Lead City University, Poly Ibadan and the recently commissioned New Open University? Then I begin to wonder “Are people actually this dim-witted or they just derive joy in putting up the façade?” because these peeps sound to me like “Abeokuta would have been an inferior capital city if not for FUNAAB” Kids get to have fun with any and almost everything. Can any Lagosian tell me they’ve never seen a kid play on the escalator before? Or has any babe never miscalculated and fallen from an escalator at any of the malls in Ilorin or Lagos? Or can any resident of the economic capital of Nigeria tell me where else (asides beaches) they had fun before the emergence of E Centre and co? Lagos is working, kudos to BRF. But I hope y’all know that success can only be defined by how well it is managed by one’s successor. Now to the overrated ShopRite: I’ve been to the mall a couple of times and those times, I’ve gone there JUST to see movies. I’ve never for once had to enter ShopRite, no thanks to the unnecessary flurry attached to the shopping process therein. Why suppress myself to undue discomfort when I can get supplementary services elsewhere without much ado? Y’all act like you’ve forgotten the “do not buy more than two loaves of bread “law”” at the ShopRite outlets in Lagos, and please do not get me started on how some of you take your entire household to ShopRite for the sole purpose of having enough bread loaves to go round the “flock”. Or have y’all forgotten in a hurry that picture of the guy who had just one can of harp in his shopping basket? And YES that picture was taken in the city of hustlers yet y’all got the paunch to castigate us? *in MI Abaga’s voice* me nat think so. Even if we did not have the conventional ShopRite, please we had the likes of Favors, Foodco, Pinnacle, Pharmalot, Neighbours and Trolleys amidst other innumerable supermarkets and marts in this city. Then I saw some hogwash about POS; please run a background check on that lady, she’s probably a migrant or a visitor because I don’t want to believe there’s someone in this age and generation who does not know what a Point of Sale System is, what its used for or has never heard the sentence “put it on my tab”. I remember it was a fad when I was taking JAMB classes and I remember using it a couple of times at FoodCo eatery then. Did I tell y’all I’m a finalist? (Just so you’d know how long its been). I attended one of the best schools in town. We had these compulsory excursions and whenever we travelled anywhere within or outside the country, there was usually a day set aside for shopping. Moral of the story: Y’all satirizing the school kids at the mall, are you 100% positive of the fact that an excursion was the sole purpose of their stop off? What if their teachers had to pick up items for them at the nearest supermarket while in transit and didn’t deem it wise to leave them on the bus? Cos apparently, those kids were standing there oblivious of what was going on in their immediate environment. Ibadan is a large city that is proportionately populated. So what were y’all expecting the turn out to be on Heritage Mall’s grand opening? Twenty people? Please, I and so many indigenes of IB City have had enough of your cyber bullying and we think y’all need an overdose of “chill pills”. Drop your comments oooo!!